He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want a musical about memes.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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