one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
