Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
