I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
