I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
