he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
