I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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