I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
