I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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