I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
