dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
last night I used snow as a chaser
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
