Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
