During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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