he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
