i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
