dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she looked like the before picture.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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