Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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