Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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