dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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