I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
