Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
