This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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