My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
