i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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