her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
