everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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