is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
