I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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