I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
