I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
