I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
