my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
