Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I will die if light touches me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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