im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
