Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
