i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
