Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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