He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
