I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
