I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
