My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
two words...techno handjob
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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