Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
