why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I did not marry a roomba.
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