Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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