The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
