He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
