i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
