New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
