Michael Bay diarrhea
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need water and some morals
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
