dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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