Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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