Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Randomize
