you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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