at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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