I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
