I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
