I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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